The new look of the 2021 BMW M3/M4 has been rattling around the internet for about 24 hours now. I thought maybe the haze of my initial shock would burn off, and the cars would look a little friendlier on day two. But, no, in fact now that I’ve seen the M Performance options I’m sure: This is a really weird-looking car.
Sorry, I’m grumpy today. I just ran out of coffee, so I had to microwave a cup that’s been sitting on my desk all morning. But I mean, come on. What the actual fuck is this shit:
This is like a caricature car from a decade-old video game. Even ignoring the nostrils that look like tunnels painted on by Wile E. Coyote to trick Road Runner into getting run over, the M Performance aero accessories are borderline offensive.
I mean, I do tend to prefer the simplicity of the automotive designs I grew up with in the ’90s and ’00s but there’s plenty of angular new stuff I’m into. Supra, Civic Type R, Telluride… all this to qualify myself as not a complete curmudgeon. The existence of angularity alone is not enough to encourage my scorn.
But how many ways can the air in front of a car be sliced?!
The wing is pretty standard I guess, and the spaceship thruster-shaped exhaust is probably something I’ll look back on in a few years and say, “OK, you know what, that’s actually pretty cool.” But the face of this thing is unforgivable.
Don’t worry BMW, I was not about to cough up $70,000 for one anyway. And, on principle, I am always pleased to see an automaker take design risks. Also, factory-option performance details are always fun.
But those canard whiskers, endless intakes, weird backward non-vents on the fenders, it’s bad. It’s all pretty bad.
At least you can still order this car with a three-pedal stick shift. So that means I’ll probably end up missing this car some day. Godamnit.
If you do want more details about what exactly you’ll be able to have stuck onto your M3 or M4 at the dealership, check out the full release from BMW. Meanwhile, here are a select few images of the new M cars with Performance Parts applied: